Second year Day 105 - Thursday March 28, 2013

Everyone that was traveling today made it safely to their destination.  I always feel much better when people are done with their travels and settled in where ever they are staying.  We are continuing with our appointments in Monroe and things are going great!  Bridgett is at the point where she isn't taking Advil regularly, like she was, and has only had two doses since we got here.  We had a scare about not having any appointments next week.  Faith said that her Colorado office lease was coming up and the landlord decided not to renew.  So, she thought she might have to leave at the end of this week for Colorado to try to find another office to move into next month.  All week we have been praying hard that she would be able to work things out and not have to go right back.  Thankfully, she did find another office online and had one of the other ND's go check it out.  In any case, she WILL be here next week as planned, thank goodness.  We really need to keep seeing her so that we can get things worked out.  Then we will see her next in late May.  I am thinking a lot about Chris, Julie and the kids and the funeral and wishing I could be with everyone.  At times like this it is so comforting to be with each other.  At least everyone else was able to make it and will be at the funeral tomorrow.

Second year Day 104 - Wednesday March 27, 2013

Bridgett is still not having any kidney pain and we are all so happy.  Overall, she isn't having any pain still, although this evening she had a little neck pain. We are doing great here in Richfield and I'm so glad that we are here. So, last week on Friday, Tyler left to South Dakota.  He drove only as far as Helena and stayed the night on base with one of his marine friends.  On Saturday, the day we left, he drove to Butte to meet one of his marines and then to Wall, South Dakota.  In the meantime, we left to Provo and Mark left to Helena for a political function (just for the day).  Now this week--Justin and Holly and kids (3) left for Montana today.  They will take the trip in two days because they have a one year old.  Frank and Cindy left Las Vegas to head to Salt Lake.  Then, tomorrow Frank and Cindy will take mom to Montana, and everyone else will leave--Scott and Sue, Dave and kids (3), Jon and Shana and kids (4),  and Mike and Mandy and kids (3).  Also tomorrow, Scott, Jaclyn and Weston will leave to Logan, as Jaclyn's only married sister just had her first baby and Tyler will leave South Dakota to return to Montana for the funeral.  Whew!  Lots of people going everywhere in our family! We will be here in Richfield until Friday then return to Provo, my family will all start the trek back to their homes on Friday and then Mark and Tyler will be headed to Provo on Saturday for the blessing of the twins.  I think for one family that is the most traveling that we have collectively done in the same week ever!    

Second year Day 103 - Tuesday March 26, 2013

Bridgett work up with NO PAIN today!   Yippee!  After just one day of treatment!  I was so happy, and of course she was too!  A few other therapists (physical therapists, acupuncturists, massage therapists, cranio sacral therapists) have relived her pain for that day, but never into the next day too!  We had appointments today again and those went great.  Stephany's pain from her surgery is doing much better as well.  I've got the girls all fixed up on the best supplements for their body and they are both taking Wobenzyme, which helps get rid of scar tissue anywhere in the body.  Bridgett had taken it before her accident, for her ovary surgery and it did help.  We are all a little tired and I am so glad that we have a hotel here so that we can just come and crash out without driving far.  I forgot to post this last week.  On Thursday the girls and I went to visit with Julie at her house.  Kennedy visited with us as well, Austin was gone and Stratton and his grandpa were working outside.  Anyway, we were there for a very short time, like 20 minutes.  Julie could see the pain that Bridgett is in.  I talked to Julie about the need to get her to Utah and how I wished that I could be there for the funeral.  Julie said she totally understood and she was very supportive of us getting Bridgett some help. It was good for Bridgett to get to see Julie's family though.  It will be hard for me on Friday when I know that the entire family is together and I am here by myself.  But, it's one of those things that can't be helped.

Second year Day 102 - Monday March 25, 2013

We got up and got packed and headed to Monroe this morning.  On the way to Faith's I stopped in Richfield to check out the hotel and make sure things were OK there.  I went ahead and checked in even though the room wasn't ready.  Then off to Faith's house.  We all had great appointments there--Bridgett, Stephany and me.  I figured--I'm here and she has time, so why not.  Then I can feel like I am taking time to take care of my self as well.  It's been a hard year on all of us!  When mom and Justin were up at my house last week, we all had a talk about the importance taking better care of ourselves, and so I am!  We had a nice salmon meal afterwards, a combo late lunch/early dinner.  Then we headed to the hotel.  I was sure glad that I checked in earlier, because there are a bunch of Utah Department of Transportation guys staying here at the Holiday Inn Express and they were all checking in right when we arrived.  There was a line of 10 or more people checking in.  Luckily we sailed right past them and up to our room, which is very nice.  It is a queen suite--the only thing they had available when I called a few weeks ago.  But, they gave me a good price for it.  It's very big and equipped with disposable plates and silverware, dish soap, can opener etc.  I think it's going to work out great!

Second year Day 101 - Sunday March 24, 2013

All last week I was on the phone a lot talking to family.  Yesterday was no exception and I was on the phone a lot whenever I had reception.  Luckily I have a car charger for my phone:).  Today we were able to spend time with Jenn and  Arri.  Stephany, Bridgett and I went to Jenn's house and we visited for two full hours, and Bridgett didn't get out her ipad or anything!  She held Logan for a bit but it made her arms and neck tired so not for too long.  Stephany bounced on the mini tramp with Lincoln.  It helps him feel better when he has a tummy ache.  She was able to get him to sleep.  Logan feel asleep in my arms too.  The babies are so big!  And, I couldn't believe how big Caden seemed--and we just saw him not many weeks ago!  There is that point where toddlers start looking less like babies and more like children, and I guess he's at that point!  Connor was cute and busy as ever.  Later we visited with Arrianne.  It was great to see her and have time to talk face to face!  She stayed at the hotel until about 10:00 and then we decided to all hit the hay.  Bridgett had crashed out earlier.  I had to go to Arri's with her to borrow her computer (which is really my old laptop!) and then we sat in the car outside the hotel and talked for about an hour.  Arri commented on how much better Bridgett is doing and I agreed.  She has lost that initial "happy all of the time" attitude and is much more herself (sarcasm included!).  It's great to see her heal.  At the same time, it's hard to realize how badly the wreck has changed everything--really in all of our lives.  Tonight Arri was really feeling the pain of what was lost and what might have been.  We talked about not dwelling on that fact and just focusing on the great things that are happening.  It was a good talk for both of us.  We all have those feelings at times.  It's a matter of keeping perspective--eternal perspective.  This past 15 months or so have been a time of trying to keep perspective about many things--the loss of my father and now the loss of my brother.  We really never know what is ahead of us in life.  We just need to stay focused and live our lives the way we know that we should.  We need to enjoy the moments that we can and keep spiritually strong to prepare for the things that we don't know about the future.  

Second year Day 100 - Saturday March 23, 2013

I got up early this morning and it still took me until about 10:00 to be ready to leave.  There is so much to take with us!  Besides the normal stuff, we have stuff to cook in the hotel room and then we have every one's school and we have prom stuff for Stephany.  Anyway, miraculously it all fit in the car and we finally left.  It snowed from Bigfork to Polson and the roads were slushy.  Then it cleared up for a while and then snowed again. That was the story all day.  Snow intermittently and some clear roads.  The girls did pretty good until about Idaho Falls.  From that point on things were worse, but the girls said to keep going.  We did push through, but the last 90 minutes was pretty terrible.  Stephany had abdominal cramping and so we moved her to the front seat to recline.  Bridgett almost couldn't take the squished feeling in the back seat although luckily her pain wasn't too bad then.  Anyway, we made it in about 9:00 and got all checked in.  First we stopped at Arri's to drop off the prom dresses.  Arrianne will go on a double date with Steph and wanted to wear her prom dress as well.  (alumni are invited as long as they don't dance with students)  We got all checked in and we were all so glad to be out of the car!!

Second year Day 99 - Friday March 22, 2013

Today was a crazy packing day.  I had LOTS to do to get ready to go.  I haven't been able to get anything extra done this week with everything else doing on--added to the fact that Bridgett is in a lot of pain.  There's always so much to get done when I am going out of town, especially for two weeks!  I stayed up crazy late but almost got everything taken care of!  Bridgett saw the WF cranio sacral gal yesterday.  She was able to help with her pain for that day, but it was back almost as bad today.  It helps me be even more convinced that we HAVE to see Faith!

Second year Day 98 - Thursday March 21, 2013

Mom and Justin left this morning to return to Utah.  They will come back when the funeral is held, which will probably not be until the end of next week.  I will go ahead and leave to Utah.  I've just got to get down and get some pain relief for Bridgett.  Today out of the blue Bridgett suddenly said, when I die will you buy me a pretty coffin?  Of course I said, but why are we talking about dying?  Well I did almost die once she said.  True, but you are doing great now.  So, what kind of pretty coffin do you want?  Well she said, I don't want a black one--ugh!  And I don't want a white one--ugh!  I want a pretty red one!  Not red---like babam!  But  you know, maroon.  OK I said.  Then I said when I die will you buy ME a pretty coffin?  Yes, she said but don't die for a long time!  I won't I said.  She said what kind of coffin do you want and I said I can honestly say that in my 53 years I have never once thought about what kind of coffin I want, but I'll think about it!

Second year Day 97 - Wednesday March 20, 2013

For those of you who have been wondering if Bridgett has emotion or cares about anyone else, the answer is yes.  Bridgett always gets so sad and almost cries when she sees me upset.  Yesterday she kept saying to me (because I've had random tears over Chris), I'm so sorry mother.  I wish I could take away your pain.  Before bed, she was patting me and hugging me and suddenly said, when you are old, will you come and live with me and I will take care of YOU?  It was so sweet!  On Monday night when I texted the kids about Chris (the minute I heard about it) I unfortunately sent a text to Arri right before she was supposed to perform.  She will be singing at someone elses Junior Recital, and they had to get it approved by the faculty before the gal could have her recital.  Anyway, all of the sudden (in front of two of the faculty) Arri thought...in a coma and not expected to live....and she had this flood of emotion about Bridgett and had to excuse herself to the bathroom.  Once she got there, she just sobbed and sobbed about Bridgett and remembering the accident and those first terrible days.  She finally composed herself and returned to the room, but she looked terrible.  She had previously told the gal she was singing with about Chris and so when she came in the head of the department said, you look terrible; why don't you just go home and so she did.  I asked if that would affect anything for the recital being approved and she said it didn't and everything was fine. 

Second year Day 96 - Tuesday March 19, 2013

It was a very long day.  Bridgett woke up in pain and I gave her percocet and the robaxin.  Even though she didn't get dizzy yesterday, today she was suddenly VERY dizzy and couldn't really even walk without someone holding onto her on each side.  She reached out and gripped the counter and me and I yelled for Tyler to come quick.  We got her into bed, where she was still dizzy but less than standing.  It took some convincing to keep her laying down, because she wanted to get up and walk for the pain, which she was still having.  Finally Tyler stayed in by her and watched the cartoon movie of Robin Hood and visited with her, and she stayed down.  Note to self.....no more percocet!  I was on the phone most of the day, off and on, with my family, discussing the updates on Chris, etc.  Mark went to the hospital around noon and stayed for a while and then he was back at about 5:30 and stayed.  Justin left Salt Lake with mom about 2:30, after getting his business stuff under control.  Everyone else was unable to leave yet, so they were the only ones that came.  I took Bridgett out walking around 5:00.  Luckily, even though she was SO dizzy while the percocet was working, when it wore off she was fine.  She was still having pain, but just taking Advil.  Remember that when she took one Lortab, she was dizzy for 24 hours, so that was worse!  When Mark got up to the hospital around 5:30, he was able to talk to the doctor with Julie and get the bad news.  Chris had no brain function and they said he would not make it, no matter what.  Julie was then faced with the decision of when to unhook him from life support.  His body was twitching I guess and the doctor recommended not waiting for anyone to get there from out of town, but doing what was best for Julie and the kids.  Right in the middle of all of this, while I was talking to my brother Frank, Bridgett accidentally dropped a plate and it shattered on the floor, trapping Stephany and her in shards of glass.  Neither of them was wearing shoes.  I told Frank I'd call him back and yelled for Tyler.  He helped me get shoes to them and get them away from the glass, and then he cleaned it up.  In the meantime, I had another call from another one of my brothers.  Since we have a big family, there are lots of calls to pass on information.  I have six brothers and a sister and then of course my adult children that needed information as well.  Anyway, Julie tried to make it and hold off as long as she could, but by 10:15 she just couldn't stand it any longer and they went ahead.  Chris was gone in less than 10 minutes.  We all realize that it was best for them to go ahead and would have done the same ourselves if we'd been in her position.  Of course, the entire is very hard for all of us, even though many of us weren't there with them--we just love Chris and Julie and the kids and know the pain they were going through.  By this time, Justin and mom had made it to Missoula.  Mom of course took the news very hard, and they ultimately decided to stop and stay in Missoula for the night.  It was very late when Mark finally got home and then even later by the time we all finally got to bed (with the exception of Bridgett, who went to bed by 9:00).  Now there are some very difficult decisions for Julie to make and of course, our hearts go out to her and the kids.  One of my brothers mentioned that this is the third person in our family to be in a coma in the past15 months.  First it was Bridgett, then my dad just 10 days later, and then now Chris.  Of course, neither Chris or dad made it.  We are all praying for things to settle down now.  My poor mother, we know it's so very hard.  Life can be very difficult at times, and we have to rely on the Savior to get us through.  The balm of Gilead, that is what we all need; healing from the balm of Gilead, our Savior.

Second year Day 95 - Monday March 18, 2013

Today started out with Bridgett in even worse pain.  In addition to the muscle relaxer, and instead of the Advil, I started her on the percocet that Michelle prescribed.  The Lortab just makes her too dizzy, so we will try the percocet instead.  Walking up and down the stairs helps relieve her pain (I don't really know why) and she must have gone up and down at least 50 times today.  Some of the times, she and I went really fast up and down.  Sometimes she went really slow with either me or Mark or Tyler.  Sometimes she went by herself.  It was a long morning and afternoon.  In the late afternoon I took her out to jog for 30 minutes; that also helps with the pain.  It used to be, before the accident, whenever she was feeling pain or discomfort, she worked out for pain management.  Sometimes it was jogging/running, sometimes biking, sometimes weights or whatever.  So, this is a pattern that she has had for a long time.  In the early evening I got a call that my brother Chris was at the hospital, in a coma, and not expected to live.  That hit me like a ton of bricks!  Mark was almost home, so he picked me up and we headed to the emergency room, leaving the girls with Tyler.  Luckily, he was home to be there!  Anyway, Chris had apparently not been feeling well, and then just collapsed outside someones house, falling forward on his face.  Julie had someone help turn him over and did chest compressions until the ambulance showed up.  He reached the hospital not breathing and without a heart beat.  They resuscitated him and he is in a medically induced coma.  At this point he is stable and we are at a wait and see point.  Mom and some of my brothers are heading up in the morning.  They were going to drive all night, but were exhausted from work and it would have been dangerous. 

Second year Day 94 - Sunday March 17, 2013

St. Patrick's Day!  This has always been a fun holiday around our house.  We have Irish ancestry, and in addition, Arrianne and Stephany were Irish dancers.  Actually, Bridgett started dancing as well, but soon quit.  This is how Bridgett was growing up......she could talk to anyone without fear, and stand and give a talk or speech without fear, could do anything athletic without fear (even if it's something new) but hated to dance in front of anyone...too scary!  Funny!  The other girls are just the opposite...hate to talk in front of anyone, shy around people they don't know but can dance in front of anyone (and for Arri, sing in front of anyone).  Anyway, Arrianne and Stephany both wore their black tights with shamrocks on them and their gold sparkly shoes today to church.  Of course, Arrianne was in Provo and Stephany was in Bigfork, but they matched!  Arri says it was like gold at the end of the rainbow, wearing those blingy shoes!  Bridgett was just in too much pain to go to church today, so we took Stephany and dropped her off and then picked her back up.  Mark leaves a couple of hours early for meetings and stays late as well, so he can't help with that.  Tyler was freezing over in Helena and drove home in a blizzard.  He was delayed getting home because there was a semi jack knifed on the road and blocking traffic, as well as a wrecked suburban.  But, he made it home safe anyway.  We had several inches of snow at our place as well.  Funny--it should be spring.  But, spring in Montana is different than other places.  One of Tyler's friends said he's driving up from Utah to go fishing with Tyler--thinking that it will be sunny and nice like it is there.  Hah!  Our lake is frozen still.

Second year Day 93 - Saturday March 16, 2013

Bridgett had even more pain today, plus her tailbone started hurting as well.  It's been months since she's had that pain--since Faith got rid of it way back.  Bridgett's lungs, neck and kidneys are hurting most of the time these days.  Oh, and her heart--which the doctors say is the lungs really.  Luckily we were able to go to the Relief Society un-birthday tea party this morning.  We got there late and left early.  We were all supposed to wear funky hats, so I got Bridgett a queen of hearts hat that looks like heart shaped red hair with a crown on it.  She looked great!  I wore one of Stephany's hats; it is pink with lavender ribbon and flowers on it.  We had a good time.  They had a lunch of fruit, veggies and sandwiches and then little mini cupcakes afterwards, with Alice toothpicks stuck in top.  The room was all decorated up so cute, and the tables had little tea cups that were so wonderful.  Bridgett spent most of the time walking around, but I got to visit for a short time with some of my friends and that was fun.  We were there for like 45 minutes and then headed home.  Bridgett loved the Alice in Wonderland theme.  That is her favorite book and movie!  Stephany is still thrashed from yesterday, so taking it easy today.  I have tons of stuff to get done, so Mark played games with Bridgett while I tried to get some things done.  I actually crashed for a 30 minute nap in the afternoon (woo hoo!) and then stayed with the girls while Mark headed to Gardner's 50th wedding anniversary party.  I wished that I had been able to go, but I couldn't take the girls and I really can't leave them home alone.  They both need some help and someone needs to be here to do that.  Overall, it was a good day, I just wish my girls felt better!

Second year Day 92 - Friday March 15, 2013

So, today Bridgett woke up with her neck hurting more. The relief she got from Sara was only for one day.  Bummer! I got her comfortable with muscle relaxers, Advil and the rice bag and then got ready for the rest of the day.  Today was a busy day for us. Tyler left to drill today.  The girls visited with him while he got things packed up and ready for the weekend out in the field.  Then we headed into town for a photo shoot for Stephany for her yearbook.  The deadline is fast approaching for that, so we just needed to get it done.  Afterwards, I had to stop at the office and do something for payroll, which is today, so a necessity to get done.  Next we had to stop at Target to get some things.  Following that we did the bank deposits for Mark, as he was running behind and had the staff safety meeting today.  Next, we went to the Saddle Exchange in Kalispell. They sale used, consigned saddles, boots, etc.   We bought a few things there for Stephany, and we really got some great deals.  Afterwards, we got gas and headed home.  By the time we got home, we had been gone for like five hours.  Stephany was exhausted and in pain by this time, even though we had stayed up on Advil.  Bridgett was so sweet to be patient with all of our errands but by the time we were headed home she said that she'd been patient, but was almost tired of patience and just wanted to be home!  Cute!  At least she is patient and doesn't get mad, just informs us that she's done!  Everyone was starving, so I quickly helped Stephany to the recliner to get her feet up, got Bridgett situated on the heating pad, got some dinner for us and then sat down for a quick rest myself. 

Second year Day 91 - Thursday March 14, 2013

Today we went to Whitefish to see a different cranio sacral therapist, who had been highly recommended to us by someone who also had a brain injury.  This therapist, Sara Bonds, had a traumatic brain injury herself, when she was 10 years old.  She had real advances with her injury years later, when she saw a cranio sacral therapist and decided to become a therapist herself.  Now she is studying to be an osteopath, up at a school in B.C.  She's a second year student (already has her bachelors degree).  When she is done with the school, she will do another year, specializing in TBI. She admitted that she is no where nearly advanced as Faith, but we need someone close, so gave it a try.  So......she is definitely more experienced than anyone we've seen, other than Faith.  However, she is not nearly as advanced as Faith.  No one can come even close, so far, that we have seen.  It's just too bad that we aren't closer to Faith so that we could see her as often as needed.  Sara did show me something that I can do when the pain gets really bad in her kidney, and it works, so that was very helpful.  Sara also said that there has been so much trauma to Bridgett's body, and that is why her body is crying out for relief.  She said that's why she can't sit still for very long, and has to get up and walk.  Her body wants to more to get relief from the pain.  Makes sense.  Also, she disagreed with thinking automatically that her lungs hurt from scar tissue.  She said that when she worked on Bridgett's lungs, she herself could feel a terrible choking, a feeling of vomiting and panic of not being able to breath---much like the feeling that Bridgett MUST have had when she was vomiting.  Anyway, she said that regular work would eventually relieve this and other pain she is having.  We are looking forward to next weekend, when we leave to Utah to see Faith.  We have appointment to see her Monday thru Friday the first week and then Monday thru Saturday the second week.  In other words, almost every day that she is in Utah this trip.  I will take the girls and go down; Mark and Tyler will be at home still.

Second year Day 90 - Wednesday March 13, 2013

I already talked about Bridgett's tooth and the fact that one was not capped and had a build-up.  Then in January the build-up fell off.  We took her to the dentist and long story short, she got it fixed.  However, the new build-up is thicker, so her retainer doesn't fit anymore.  I talked to Dr. Stebbins today and set up an appointment to get another one next week, just the upper one of course.  Today we were in there because Stephany was having her retainer check, the first since her braces are off.  She was very excited to finally be to the point to only wear her retainer at night!  For those of you who haven't had someone in braces, you have to wear the retainer 24/7 for eight weeks following removal of your braces (unless you are eating, duh!).  For many months following the accident Bridgett didn't wear a retainer, whereas she had always worn one faithfully before the accident.  She wasn't able to get her teeth fixed until April 11th of last year, months after the accident.  Then when we got home to Montana, Dr. Stebbins got her new retainers.  Dr. Stebbins is such a great guy!  We all love him.  I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but he did braces for all of our kids but Jenn.  Anyway, after he heard about Bridgett's accident, he said he would do Stephany's braces for free!  That was just the nicest thing ever and of course Stephany was super happy.  With all of the other medical expenses, who knows when we would have been able to fit in her braces.  Big thanks to you Dr. Stebbins! 

Second year Day 89 - Tuesday March 12, 2013

Stephany had the Liahona Prom coming up on April 4th, so we have been making plans for that.  Of course, Arrianne and Bridgett had also gone to the Liahona prom every year.  Bridgett always went with the girls after she graduated, to say hi to others.  Alumni can come to the prom and many do but they have to bring their own date or at least not dance with the high school kids (duh!).  Arrianne didn't go last year, because Stephany didn't go either. Anyway, Bridgett asked if she could go with Arri and Steph and we all said yes, but while discussing it she all of the sudden remembered that there would be loud music, so she decided that she doesn't want to go after all.  I offered to bring her up for a short time but she declined.  We have a dress ordered for Steph and we are all eagerly anticipating how it will look when it arrives.  Bridgett has been giving her tips and suggestions and it's cute, including the fact that she needs a pretty clutch purse with a strap so she can put it on her wrist.  Actually, she used to work at Deb Shops in the mall in Orem and she sold that kind of stuff, so it's fun she's remembering.  All this prom talk has prompted Bridgett to ask about her proms and her dresses.  We got out one of hers so she could look at it.  Actually back last summer the girls got it out for her and she put it on; they were hoping she would remember wearing it before but she didn't.  However, now we got it out and she does remember wearing it!  She put it on again and loved how she looks in it.  It's a big ball gown and very fun. 

Second year Day 88 - Monday March 11, 2013

Today Bridgett and I had some fun!  We went walking, which turned into speed walking and then jogging!  Bridgett actually got me to jog with her and we had a good time.  She's so much taller than me and has longer legs, so even when I am pushing it, she speeds right past me!  She had fun going faster then me and then circling back for me.  We haven't been walking outside for quite some time because of the ice and snow and we have missed it!  We spent about 30-35 minutes alternating between walking/jogging and then called it quits.  Hopefully now we will be able to get out every day, although we still can't walk at our own place.  There are still ice patches and now of course we have to start thinking about bears being around again.  If we wait for when one of the guys is around, that never seems to work well; by then, its either too late, too dark or something.  So, alternatively, we drive into Bigfork and walk there, like we did today.  Steph wasn't up to that much walking, so she just did walking in the house like she has been.  By the time evening came Bridgett was in a lot of pain again.  We have an appointment in Whitefish on Thursday to see a different cranio sacral gal.  She's definitely not anywhere as experienced as Faith, but until we can make it down there hopefully she can give Bridgett some relief.  She's been out of town since I got her name and talked to her, so we haven't been able to get an appointment until now. 

Second year Day 87 - Sunday March 10, 2013

Today Bridgett, Stephany and I went to just the last hour of church, which was all either of them could handle.  Steph still gets pretty worn out with getting up and dressed and going out.  After Steph came home and ate a little bit, she almost threw up because she was so exhausted.  I put her to bed for a long nap, although she mostly just rested.  By evening she was feeling a little bit better.  While we were at church, Bridgett saw the Bishop and asked if she could get a temple recommend interview.  He looked up at me quickly and said..she's endowed?  No I said.  How old are you?  22 Bridgett answered.  Well, I'll have to talk to the stake president about it.  To get a recommend to do baptisms I said?  I was thinking...weird, right!  Then he said, oh for baptisms!  I thought she wanted to go get endowed.  I can do that right now and so he did.  Bridgett was glowing from ear to ear afterwards and so excited to have a recommend again.  Bishop said he thought she was doing just great and she said you're so nice and I'll believe you about that!  Cute!  Afterwards, we saw a poster for the Relief Society birthday celebration.  Our ward is having a lunch this Saturday and the theme is the Mad Hatter's Tea Party!  Bridgett's all time favorite book, and movie and cartoon movie is Alice in Wonderland so she was just so excited about the tea party!  She immediately said, we can go right?  I said yes and put it on the calendar.  Everyone is supposed to wear the wackiest hat they can.  Hmmmmm.........we'll have to think about that one.  Bridgett wants to wear a fedora.  Not too wacky, but fun!  She loves to flip the fedora up on her head and is very good at it!  Later on this evening Bridgett told me she was going to ride the recumbent stationary bike, which she does every day as part of her program.  Tonight she said......I just don't want you to think I'm a sabbath breaker though!  She says the funniest things!

Second year Day 86 - Saturday March 9, 2013

Today was just one of those days that doesn't happen too often, thank goodness.  I was apparently exhausted and prone to crying today.  It was a day of way too much crying!  I have one of those days every so often.  Overall I handle things just fine--then a day will come along and I will just break down.  Mark gave me lots of hugs and so did the girls.  Bridgett apologized and said it was her fault that I was crying.  We all assured her that it wasn't.  I really hate to cry in front of anyone, especially the girls.  By evening I was feeling much better, and ready to face everything again.  I am looking forward to warmer weather and being outside--ready for the winter to be over.  I do love every season, but I am sure ready for change by the end of the season! 

Second year Day 85 - Friday March 8, 2013

Today Bridgett said, out of the blue, can I crochet a blanket like I did when I was younger?  She remembered!  I said of course and she said but not blue like the other one.  I want this one to be orange (her favorite color).  So, we will go shopping and get some orange yard next week!  Hopefully she will remember how to crochet--or at least it will come pretty easily once I remind her.

Second year Day 84 - Thursday March 7, 2013

Today Bridgett said thank you to me for something (she asked for a pair of scissors and I gave them to her)---then she said, or I should say please and thank you like Kim Possible.  You remember Kim Possible I asked?  Yep, and Ron Stoppable and that ugly Naked Mole Rat!  She remembers!  Of course, I'm always so ecstatic when she remembers anything from the past--even Kim Possible!  Today was a pretty good day, although Bridgett was in pain--particularly in the lung and neck/shoulder area.  She regularly has neck muscle spasms.  I am still trying to find someone that can help address the issue of how to strengthen the neck muscles without putting them into a spasm.  Physical therapists did not help with this.  Even some everyday activities will put her into a spasm, which right now we are addressing with Robaxin when she has the spasms.  Of course, she was not prescribed something like Valium, even though the spasm is at times just terrible, because of the mind altering nature of the drug.  We don't need that!!  I talked about pain yesterday, and I was trying to focus on pain related to the accident and events following the accident.  I didn't talk about the pain that she regularly has at the site of her right ovary being removed almost a year to the day from her accident.  Her ovary was removed on 12.18.10 and her accident was on 12.14.11.  Anyway, she has lots of pain and after many appointments, ultrasounds, etc. they have determined that they believe that the pain is being caused from scar tissue.  This pain is usually worse when she is at a certain point in her cycle monthly and is something that we were dealing with way before the accident. That's the thing--she still has other issues that pre-dated the accident, like a bum knee from being injured playing rugby.  It still sometimes gives out and she can barely move because of the pain.  She does have a chopat knee brace that she wears from time to time to deal with this pain.  Also, she has random aches and pain, like where she broke toes or fingers playing rugby or soccer.  Anyway, this is kind of depressing talking about all of this pain.  However, like I said, Bridgett is a trooper and she doesn't focus on the pain.  She can focus on the business at hand most of the time and between pain relievers, muscle relaxants, heating pads, hot showers, massages and rice bags (with some homeopathy thrown in!) we do pretty well at pain management most of the time.  It will just be nice when we get to the point (hopefully) of not having to worry about all of this pain on a daily basis!  Luckily Bridgett's humor gets us all though the days!  She's a crackup and hardly never fails to get us smiling, laughing and sometimes outright hysterical!

Second year Day 83 - Wednesday March 6, 2013

Long ago I am sure that I made the comment on this blog that many things that saved Bridgett's life, also contributed to the daily pain/discomfort/challenges that she has now.  Today I got a confirmation about another one of these things.  We went to the doctor to have her look at a lump on Bridgett's back.  This is unrelated to the wreck--just a lipoma and not worrisome.  They offered to remove it, but Bridgett said no, she didn't want to have any "cutting" going on!  However, I also wanted them to listen to her lungs, because she is having terrific pain in the right lung--I mean with her pain level up to a five.  The doctor listened and then told us that her lungs sound great.  However, she said that being on the ventilator for a long period "stretched" the largest lobe of the lung, the right lobe, behind the right breast.  The ventilator saved her life (obviously) but also probably overinflated this lobe.  She said that there is probably scar tissue causing the pain.  Nothing can be done about it.  I told her we were putting the rice bag on it, along with pain relievers and she said that's fine.  Just another one of those things that Bridgett has to deal with.  Add it to the list!

• Daily problem with her vision--diplopia.  Eye problems because of the placement of the shunt, which saved her life but pierced the dorsal mid brain. This is been the most significant problem to recover from--affecting her rehab, etc.  Also, she has eye strain/pain any time she reads a lot of does her eye exercises.
• Daily pain with pleurisy and very frequent severe lung pain because of the ventilator over inflating the lungs.  The pleurisy may be because of the accident itself, or because of the ventilator.
• Daily neck pain because of the fracture, often severe enough to necessitate taking Lortab and Robaxin.  Almost daily she takes several doses of Advil.
• Daily pain in the kidney and related urinary issues because of long use of the catheter.
• Daily we deal with the memory problems and processing problems created by the traumatic brain injury.  I think that things are getting better all of the time with this area.
• Daily itching of the scars at the trach site and the brain incision site, sometimes pretty intense.  And no one can really figure this out--other than to say that there was nerve damage possibly and hopefully it will quit itching at some point.

I'm sure there are other things, but these are the things on my mind right now.  Naturally, we say that SHE'S ALIVE!!! and that's the most important thing.  But, still you have to deal with these things in daily life.  I just spoke to someone recently and they were surprised when I said that she has daily pain, so now you know--she does!!  Most of us don't walk around having such high daily pain as she does, although I do know that some of you understand.  Bridgett has a high pain tolerance, to be sure, but when the pain get so high that I see her collapsing with pain, it is very hard to watch! I almost cry myself each time her pain gets this bad--which luckily ISN'T daily. Bridgett does not complain about her life and the pain, although every once in a great while she will just say, it sucks to be me right now.  Of course, immediately we will talk about how lucky she is to be alive and overall she is just happy and in a good mood almost every minute of the day.  That was her personality before and it still her personality.  Daily I pray that Bridgett will get to a point where she will have at least some days without pain. 

Second year Day 82 - Tuesday March 5, 2013

I wanted to explain something about Bridgett's memory.  Of course, initially she lost her long term memory and had those many months when she couldn't remember anything.  I made that personal reference book for her which we read parts of daily.  Then I recorded myself reading the pages of the book and we play a segment daily (5 or 6 times a week).  Anyway, what I noticed right away was that Bridgett remembered what I told her about her life (what was written in her personal reference book) and that was all she remembered.  It's like we are re-creating her memory, really. I spoke to the neurologist and he said that may be all that she ever remembers.  Anyway, the guy that had me start recording from her book said that the hope is that she will learn what I am telling her now and that connections will start to reform and she will remember more.  So---that's happening!!!  All of the time I see it more and more.  At first there were just little glimpses of something that she remembered--more like the essence of a memory.  Now, more and more details about the things I am telling her.  For example, I have a page where we discuss different activities of childhood that would be considered "fond memories" of things she used to do.  I talk about how she used to go to the field and help feed the cows (when we lived in town).  I said that we'd load up hay on a trailer and pull it behind the 4-wheeler.  A few days ago she said to me--the trailer was red and had no top on it, right?  And windows in the side, right?  She remembered!!  Then today we were talking about bottle feeding calves and Tyler said do you remember the name of a calf we bottle fed--he was thinking about Ace.  Bridgett said the one that stood like this? and she bent her wrists forward to demonstrate.  We did have a calf that was born and couldn't stand on its hooves and we bottle fed her--Little Lady.  The vet said she'd never walk normally, but after a while, she did!  Bridgett remembered!  It's so fun when she remembers things!  I know it sounds so minor to you as you read this, but it's very exciting to us as things come back to her.  It gives me hope that eventually she will remember many, many things! 

Second year Day 81 - Monday March 4, 2013

I stayed up SO late last night!  Mark and I had a long talk about the trip.  He thinks that I should cancel the trip, since we will be missing most of the appointments anyway.  We already missed Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and now today for sure, and possibly tomorrow.  He didn't tell me I couldn't go but I can tell he doesn't want me to go.  We talked for a long time and then I cried for a good spell.  The strain of things does sometimes get to me and I just couldn't help it.  At length, I decided to call and cancel with Faith and get the name of her friend in Helena (turns out she is in Great Falls).  Also, I spoke to someone who is in Whitefish who is getting training to do what Faith does, but has at least four years of training left.  She gave me the name of someone in a French commune in British Columbia.  We all have passports, so that's do-able but may not be practical.  I made lots of phone calls and we'll see what happens.  I worried about Bridgett all night.  Whenever I have to resort to Lortab, she gets dizzy.  It's worse with other pain relievers; it's just best when we don't have to use anything besides Advil.  Anyway, I had nightmares that she got up to go to the bathroom (which she does every night, usually twice) and was so dizzy that she fell and hit her head.  This did not help with me getting a good sleep!  However, maybe because she was exhausted from the pain, or maybe because she was finally out of pain--whatever--she slept until 6:30 and then called for help.  I helped her walk to the bathroom and then she was dizzy all of the rest of the day until just before bed, just from that one Lortab!  I made an appointment with Michelle Helwig at Bigfork Family Practice for Wednesday, so we will discuss that, among other things.  I am having her take a look at a lump on Bridgett's back.  I mentioned it before I think--pea sized and the lump hasn't gone away in like six weeks. Stephany woke up feeling miserable and came upstairs with tears running down her cheeks.  I am really glad that we did not leave today!  Later on she was feeling much better.  Mornings are also hard for her since she got that CMV, so I guess that is still going to be a pattern for a while. 

Second year Day 80 - Sunday March 3, 2013

So, last night I was up late.  I had checked the weather report and the roads look bad from at least Butte to Idaho Falls (a lot of the way!).  There's a big storm blowing through tomorrow and that's not great news.  I went to bed feeling very unsettled and at length decided that we could not travel today.  I don't fancy being on bad roads, white knuckled, with two daughters in marginal health!  It was all for the best I guess, as Bridgett was in SO much pain today!  Her neck was just killing her and the pain was at least 6, going up to 7.  We did the rice bag, mag phos, natural calm, massages, Advil and finally Lortab.  I'm so glad we weren't in the car for this episode!  Stephany on the other hand seemed fine.  I'm a little raw from everything, but hey!  That's life sometimes!  You gotta grin and bear it some days!  It's hard as the mom--because when your kids are in pain, you are too!  When Bridgett's pain gets bad and she starts to whimper and "cry",  I almost cry too!  She has such a high pain tolerance, I know that it's really bad!  I called and cancelled the hotel for tonight and we'll see about what happens with our trip.

Second year Day 79 - Saturday March 2, 2013

I had some last minute things to finish up today before we could leave, including getting the business checkbooks reconciled for February.  There's always more to do of course, but some things HAVE to get done before I leave.  Also, I had the laundry to finish, packing to finish, and I had shopping to do, so that the guys would have food while I'm gone (otherwise they just don't eat really!).  Also, I have decided to take a cooler with me this time, filled with fruit and veggies, yogurt, kefir, etc.  Sometime during the day I thought I might sneak in a nap as well:).  Anyway, the day was busy and it looks like things are a go to leave tomorrow. 

Second year Day 78 - Friday March 1, 2013

Today I took Stephany into the doctor for her post op checkup today.  She's doing so much better!  Of course, the whole getting dressed for the first time (in other than p.j.'s), going to town riding in the car, sitting up without her legs elevated for the first time at the doctors office thing, etc was a little hard, but things are getting better and will continue getting better.  She was pretty tired out afterwards. The doctor released her for travel.  Her incisions were looking good, although one of them needed another steri-strip.  Today we got to see Dr. Rogers partner, who happens to be our bishop, Bishop Taylor.  He was very kind and supportive.  He spent time explaining things to us, about the whole cyst thing. I was able to ask questions about how Bridgett lost her ovary and fallopian tube and that was good, since I've had questions for over two years and the surgeon who did her surgery was in Utah and we never met him.  While we were there we got to see Sharla, who works with the doctors.  Her mom, Joanna Eddington, is married to one of Mark's cousins and so that is a special bond for us.  We just love Sharla (who doesn't, right!).  It was so nice to sit in her office and just chat while we were waiting.  Too soon the nurse came and took us to the exam room, but it was fun while it lasted, right Sharla!  We also got to see Brook, who is Dr. Taylor's daughter.  Bridgett was fine at home with Tyler.  I've been busy over the past few days, trying to catch up on things that have been waiting for the past several months, while also taking care of the girls.  By evening I was very tired, and went to bed by 10:00.  There's lots to get done tomorrow, especially since it appears we will be leaving to Utah on Sunday:)

Second year Day 77 - Thursday February 28, 2013

It's hard to believe that it's almost March!  Sometimes the time just seems to go by so fast!  I remember reading a poem when I was young--I never have figured out which poem it was--where an older man is sitting on a park bench watching children play.  To the man each year passes so quickly it's like only a few days.  To the children playing in the sun, each day seems like a year that never ends.  Time is all relative.  It passes more and more quickly each day of our lives.  Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a scary thing.  Each year we evaluate what we have done with our time and hope that we are using it wisely and spending time on the most important things.  There are lots of things to take up our time that aren't really that important.  Daily I wonder if I have met the needs of my family.  Have I done enough to help them on their journey?  We each have the stewardship to figure out for ourselves. 

Second year Day 75 - Tuesday February 26, 2013

This post is out of order.  I forgot to post it even though it was written in order!  Oops!  I was able to sneak into town to the store today and get some groceries and especially some produce--thank goodness!  I gave mom a quick call for an update.  Sometimes the only time I get a chance to call anyone is when I am driving and so no one else is needing me at that moment.  Stephany had a better day today--thank goodness!  I think she's turning the corner now.  Bridgett is having some bad pain days right now.  It will be good if we can figure out how to get to Utah soon to see Faith so that she can get some of that pain under control.  I am hoping that we might be able to go sometime by Sunday and see her next week for our appointments.  Cross your fingers!

Second year Day 76 - Wednesday February 27, 2013

So, this is the time of this month that I get to stress with medical bills--yes still the original claims from the accident.  It really is crazy how long it takes to work this stuff all out.  There is a claim that I have been trying to work out since May of last year.  Monthly I talk to the head of the billing department at this clinic and still we get no further.  Several times they have sent out a notice that the bill would be sent for collections and then I have called and they have apologized and told me to ignore those warnings--they know we are trying to work it out.  So, this is the thing.  I paid the first bill to them (for placing Bridgett's peg tube) as soon as it was billed.  It was like the first bill of 2012 and I figured that it would be part of my deductible.  WRONG!  I shouldn't have paid it.  It wasn't credited to my deductible and it should have been paid in full by the insurance company.  Then there is a second bill from them and I hadn't paid it--because they owe me $422.26 back and that bill is $316.  Anyway, long story short--I got a notice from a collection bureau and they DID send it to collections!  BROTHER!  So aggravating.  I called the collection agency and of course they wouldn't speak to me.  Now usually people just ask to talk to Bridgett to get her permission and then they talk to me so I said that thye could do that.  They talked to her and asked if she was paying by check or credit card and if she was paying today!  She leaned over to me and said are we paying by check?  I asked for the phone back and tried to talk but they wouldn't listen to me.  I said that I had permanent guardianship and then the gal said how can you have that since she's 22?  Well, I tried to explain and finally she agreed to have me send a copy and then she'd speak to me.  BROTHER!  Anyway, we did talk and I explained the entire thing, adding that if we'd wanted to wreck Bridgett's credit, we wouldn't have paid any of the bills and saved like thousands of dollars.  I spent quite a bit of time on the phone and after talking the whole thing over and looking through page after page of documentation that I had---I finally found the spreadsheet showing claims in 2012 and what went to my deductible and there it was--they were already paid for the first claim and should have paid me back long ago.  I called the insurance company and got a copy of the check.  They were paid in July!  Also, they submitted the $316 to insurance and it was entirely discounted and they received two of those notices as well and shouldn't have been billing me at all.  So they owe me money and I don't owe them anything!  My insurance company did say that after looking at it, they didn't think that was right that the entire thing should be discounted and they are re-submitting it.  WOW!  Really Assurant Health has been good to us over this claim.  I called the collections agency back and left a message.  Hopefully we finally get that all straightened out!  There is one more outstanding claim to deal with--they keep submitting it incorrectly.  Oh, and of course the Provo hospital.  I still haven't seen the final bill there yet.  They filed a lien on the vehicle insurance of the driver of the truck.  As soon as they pay anything, Provo hospital gets paid first.  At least they don't bug me all of the time!  That's nice!

Second year Day 74 - Monday February 25, 2013

Another crazy day, with Stephany still feeling miserable and Bridgett also in quite a bit of pain today.  Some days it's just hard.  Stephany will be feeling better soon, but I often wonder when Bridgett will be pain free.  She really has pain every day and sometimes its discouraging for all of us.  She doesn't seem to get discouraged too much, just some days frustrated a little bit.